Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. Anyone who has spent a large amount of time in a public space (office, shopping centre, school) and is forced to use the toilet has encountered this on more than one occasion. So what is it that makes some people's wee smell normal and others' smell like something has died and exited via their genitals in liquid form? Is it a case of your own urine smells ok to you and gross to everyone else? Or is it mainly to do with what you eat and drink (nutritionists, help me out here!)? Whatever the case, every time I've been to the office bathroom today, it's all I've been able to think about!
So ladies and gents, next time you feel the need to urinate, please pay attention to whether or not your pee smells like sewerage. If not, go you! Keep on doing whatever you're doing - we're proud of you! But if so, please take these six steps immediately:
Step 1: Spray the cubicle's infected air with air-freshener, deodorant, insect repellant - anything with a disguising odour.
Step 2: In an attempt to preserve your name (and honour) try to leave the toilet as inconspicuously as possible. If there is another person waiting in line, make some loud remark about how the toilet has a weird smell so as to shift the blame onto someone else - perhaps that girl who always gives you the stink eye when you see her.
Step 3: Fill up a 2 litre plastic bottle with water and drink it down immediately. Can't handle it? Then get used to being a social pariah for the rest of your life you stinky-wee heathen.
Step 4: Spend the next week drinking copious amounts of water and eating nothing but celery. It's full of vitamins and minerals and, most importantly, WATER! You may even lose some weight while you're at it. Go you!
Step 5: Practice urinating at home before taking your wee out in public. Only when you are absolutely certain that your urine only smells like.. well... urine, then you can start reintroducing it to the rest of the world.
Step 6: Thank Karen for saving you from forever more being known as the person with smelly pee. You're welcome.