Tuesday, 26 March 2013

Juvenile Justin and Rude Rihanna

We all know that the majority of celebs think that the world revolves around them and that the mere fact that they are famous should afford them special attention (can you say, Lindsay Lohan anyone?!). Earlier this month, teen heart-throb and wunderkind Justin Bieber kept fans waiting for two hours before he decided to grace them with his presence on-stage. And just the other day, Rihanna decided to stick to her old habits (she arrived two hours late to a concert in Berlin last year) and pitched up to a charity event at a school nearly four hours late, only staying for a pitiful 15 minutes.  
What gets me is that, despite this horrific and downright rude behaviour, these “stars” still have as many fans as ever! Although there was a bit of light booing aimed in Bieber’s general direction, there was still a huge crowd waiting to greet the pop star. People actually waited around to watch someone who had (and has) absolutely no concern for how his actions affected his fans. Bieber’s excuse – he got caught up playing video games in his hotel room. Clearly he is too thick to even think up a decent lie. And as for RiRi, many have accepted a belated tweet about being stuck in traffic as a legitimate excuse for her tardiness. (Note to all: in my books, a tweet DOES NOT count as an apology!)
Clearly being a celebrity means that widely accepted social norms don’t apply to you. And that people are much more willing to turn a blind eye on account of your fame. I think that it's time for people to stop justifying these stars' actions and treat them like everybody else. I'll tell you one thing, if I arrived late for something, there is no way in hell that the people waiting (if there were any) would be cheering my name. Me? I would've buggered off home long ago! 

Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Stars and Goats

I have never believed in horoscopes. The whole notion that just because you were born on a particular date means that you will possess certain personality traits and characteristics makes me feel as though I have little (or no) control over the person that I am. That and the fact that whenever I peruse the horoscope section, I have always been bitterly disappointed by what I have seen. Thanks to me being born at the beginning of the year – on a date which is not the best of days to begin with – I have been cursed with the lamest star sign of all time: I am a Capricorn.

This is not meant to offend other Capricorns, but it is time for us goats to face the facts. Capricorn is the skinny, pimply, glasses-wearing boy who always gets picked last for any sporting team. Take today for example: I Googled ‘Capricorn Daily Horoscope’, clicked on the first link that I saw, and found this: “By and large, your life today will be dull. But, there isn’t something unfavourable or negative about it, as the planetary movements signal a change, probably a positive one, happening in the near future. So, keep your chin up and get ready for a better tomorrow.” Now isn’t that optimistic?

The funny thing is, is that while I was growing up, I couldn’t even begin to relate to the personality traits that I was meant to possess. My horoscope was always telling me that I was a home-body who needed to get out more, meet new people and get out of my comfort zone ... not exactly the sort of thing that a teenage girl wants to hear! But as I grew up, I realized that there was absolutely nothing wrong with having strong family ties, and that I do tend to be a bit stubborn and stuck in my ways. I used to have a very set idea of how I wanted my life to pan out, who were the sorts of people I liked, and what I enjoyed doing most, but recently these pre-conceived notions have been blown out of the water.

It’s so easy to resist new experiences or people because you think that you know what you want/like. Fear plays such a huge role in our subconscious minds and we often find ourselves sinking into a comfort zone without even realising it. My grandfather always used to say, “Life is an experience. It may not always be a good experience, but it is an experience nonetheless.” So I have decided to look to the stars, release the reigns, and try to let this silly little goat guide me along a new (and probably bumpy) path. What’s the worst that can happen?

Thursday, 7 March 2013

Men have feelings too!

I know that the feminists out there are going to hate me for this post but, at this very moment and time, I actually feel a bit sorry for men. I am currently looking for a picture for a feature, and have entered in the search terms “man embarrassed” with the intention of finding a red-faced man who is possibly covering his face with his hands. However the majority of the pictures depict a man and, although he is covering something with his hands, it certainly isn’t his face. Yes, 99% of all pictures I have seen have something to do with a man and his member – be it an exposed member, a too-small member, an uncooperative member, or a member who is failing to stand to attention.

This has got me thinking about the amount of ridicule and flak men get about their penises. I have to admit that I am often guilty of thinking that body issues and insecurities are problems known solely to the female gender. Here’s something that we women tend to forget: men have feelings too! Yes, I said it! Although sometimes we find ourselves thinking it, men are not merely relatively empty vessels composed only of testosterone, semen, and beer. And it must be tough being constantly defined by an unattractive piece of skin and muscle that bears a striking resemblance to a fleshy creature that didn’t quite evolve into its intended form.

So before you give your boyfriend’s Johnson an emasculating nickname, or refer to it as “cute” or “sweet”, think about my afore-mentioned point: men have feelings too! You may think it’s funny to rip off a man about his size or virility, but then don’t get upset when he points out that when you lie on your back your boobs look a lot like two fried eggs. Although we can follow a strict diet and partake in daily exercise, the sad fact of the matter is that we can only control our bodies up to a point. I have come to terms that, no matter how much I try or how much hormone-pumped chicken I eat, my boobs will never get any bigger. But that doesn’t mean that I like it when people mock me or make jokes about them. And, my dear readers, the same goes for men. Because they have feelings too.

Friday, 1 March 2013


Every person I know has a certain social situation that makes them squirm. That circumstance that you try to avoid as much as possible but, sooner or later, you have to suck it up and deal with. Well for me there is one thing in particular that makes me blush ... or should I say flush. I hate people knowing that I need to go to the bathroom. Especially men. It's like I'm stuck in the middle ages where people believed that women were these miraculous creatures that had none of the natural bodily functions of their male counterparts. If I am in somebody's house who I do not know very well, I would rather practice my kegel exercises than ask them where their toilet is. And god forbid that person is a man!

When I arrived at my new internship at the beginning of the year, I spent the whole first day watching to see how often people went to the toilet - creepy, I know! And if I went in and there was someone in the stall next to me, I would wait for them to leave so that they wouldn't hear me wee. Luckily, as my time here has progressed, I have slowly begun to get used to the environment and am no longer so embarrassed about going to the toilet throughout the day. Thanks to the copious amounts of water that I drink, however, I still feel as though I visit the porcelain telephone more often than everybody else and occasionally I have slight stage fright when I know that a coworker is waiting for the toilet that I'm using.

I still have no idea why I blush when I flush, but it does make me feel really ridiculous and medieval at times. Especially when I'm in a man's house and I end up spending the entire afternoon in discomfort merely for the sake of my pride/insanity/obsession. So next time we're somewhere new and I surreptitiously whisper to you, 'Do you know where the bathroom is?', please avoid yelling across the crowded room to the male host that Karen needs to go pee. We all have our own craziness and this is mine!