Monday, 28 May 2012

No More Vampires!

It has suddenly come to my attention that lately I have been consuming excessive amounts of vampire-related media.   Now I know that vampires are "so-hot-right-now" – I don’t live under a rock – but I have never succumbed to the hype that has so many teenage girls whipped into an Edward-Cullen-like frenzy.   To be honest, I had to watch the first two ‘Twilight’ films over a time span of about a week because I couldn’t sit through Bella’s blank expression all in one go (I gave up on the third).   And as for ‘True Blood’, a few episodes of that proved that vampire porn was not for me thank you very much.   But recently I have been watching a series, reading a book, and have watched a movie without fully comprehending that they are all about vampires.   And the fact that I have turned into a 14 year-old girl (next thing you know, I’ll be blogging about Justin Bieber!).

I guess it all began when a friend of mine gave me the series ‘The Vampire Diaries’ and I, having nothing else to watch, decided to see what all of the fuss was about.   Whilst I was sceptical at first, the show surprised me and I was unwittingly drawn in by the oh-so-good-looking cast members (where do they find these people?) and the story’s relative accuracy to vampire mythology (in other words: none of the vampires sparkle in sunlight).   About a week later a classmate, intent on proving me wrong about the awfulness of “Twilight”, gave me her copy of the first book insisting that it is so much better than the movie.   Now although I am pretty sure that adverts for hernia cream are better than the movie, I decided to take the challenge and have started reading all about the heart-wrenching torment of Edward and Bella.   Whilst still watching gorgeous people sucking blood in ‘The Vampire Diaries’.   And lastly, on Friday night I went to the movies full of anticipation for Tim Burton’s latest film “Dark Shadows”, which also just so happens to be about a vampire (note to all, the movie was terrible – do not watch it!).

So it is fair to say that I have had a vampire overload of late and I am honestly starting to get a bit irritated by the fact that nobody ever dies, not even the humans.   Call me conventional, but I like to know that when a person’s neck gets snapped, he will not wake up regardless of if he is wearing some magical ring that protects him from a vampire attack.   And likewise, if a girl gets crushed by a moving vehicle, she shouldn’t be able to wake up (looking perfectly made-up I might add) merely because she has ingested some of her boyfriend’s supernatural vampire blood!   And what’s with this whole eternal love thing, huh?   These characters are all in high-school so chances are their relationship won’t last longer than 6 months.   So who cares if he’s going to live forever and you’re not?   It’s not worth turning into a vampire and giving birth to some weird mixed-breed baby for!   What kind of example are we setting here?!

Thus I have decided that, despite the fact that the vampires are all ridiculously gorgeous (if you don’t believe me, watch ‘The Vampire Diaries’), I just don’t think that I can handle any more of this blood-sucking, supernatural lifestyle.   Unless of course Heath Ledger turns out to be immortal and makes me his bride.   Then I may just have to reconsider.          

1 comment:

  1. You can't believe how much I agree with you on everything in this post - though not yet having steeled myself to read the Twilight books I will continue to view all Twilight-related material as ranking very low on the good literature scale, somewhere above my first attempts at poetry and well below See Spot Run.